Trying not to throw up.

I'm trying to avoid the ever growing knot in the pit of my stomach. In approximately 38 hours I will start training for my new job. The actual work part is not what's bugging me- I can do any amount of work, any day of the week! It's leaving my sweet little baby girl for any given amount of time that is getting me down. Don't get me wrong- I'm super thankful to have this job and so glad this training is only temporary before I will work from home. But any amount of time I don't get to see her just means someone else is enjoying that sweet smile and deep belly laugh. UGH. I keep telling myself that this will be good for the both of us -to have some time apart- but I'm doing a very good job of convincing myself.

It's okay though. I know God will watch over her when I can't. And I'm so thankful that I've had several offers from so many people (people I TRUST) to help out while I'm training. I know moms work all the time and leave their babies so I do feel blessed that I will be able to work from home.

And on Wednesday I'm only training from 9a to 3p and my mom is coming in town to watch her Wednesday and Friday. But the thought of leaving her for six hours is hard. Sound pathetic? Probably....

But I don't care. She's my little mini-me and counts on me more than anyone. I know what each cry means, what she's trying to communicate with each grunt, what she's pointing at, when she's ready for her nap, what she wants to eat and when she wants it, and that if she's quiet for longer than a minute then you better go check on her to see what she's doing!!!! Someday I'll tell her I'm doing this so mommy and daddy can get a bigger house so she can have a little brother or sister! (I told her that today but she insisted on feeding me a Cheerio in the middle of my sentence, so I don't think she cared much)

It's okay....everything will be fine....keep it together.....she'll be fine....I'll be fine....moms do it all the time....don't cry.....

That's what I keep repeating to myself!!!

I'm so glad...

I'm so glad that I can leave hurtful situations in God's hands. I don't have to worry about the future or what will happen.....all I have to do is give it to God and forget about it. His will is best and He knows what we need and don't need. I'm learning that submitting and praying is all I can do and the rest is up to Him!

It's almost here!

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all my family and friends!! I love you all! Hope everyone has a safe and wonderful holiday.

LOTS OF PROGRESS!

I have some good news to report regarding Adilynn's sleeping. We have definitely made progress! Last night she slept from 6:45 pm to 6 am this morning. Then Orrin brought her in bed with us where she fell asleep for another hour. Then I just now laid her down for her morning nap and she only cried for two minutes and she was out! This is even far better than Saturdays nap where she cried / fussed for 40 minutes before falling asleep.

The earlier bedtime is working out great. We used to have her in bed between 8 and 8:30, but I didn't realize how tired she was getting before that. 6:45 pm is earlier than what we actually want to put her in bed, but she was so sleepy last night. But I am shooting for a bedtime of 7, no later than 7:30. It seems so early and we miss having that extra time with her at night, but it is doing her a world of good!

IN SOME OTHER NEWS: I am going back to work!!! I have had mixed feelings about it, but the closer it gets the more excited I become! When I had Adilynn, the plan was for me to stay at home with her for at least a year. God has truly provided for us over the past 13 months and there have definitely been some tough times! I think anytime you go from two salaries to one sacrifices have to be made. It was definitely worth it! Neither Orrin or I would trade any of the past year for any amount of money.

God has truly blessed me with a great job opportunity. I actually interviewed and was offered this same job back in January of this year, but I turned it down and hoped and prayed that the job would still be available when I was ready to return to work.

I will be a Service Coordinator for adults who have disabilites. I was a Case Manager for the same population of individuals before I had Adilynn, so this is definitely where my heart is. Put me in a room full of autistic or down syndrome adults and I am right at home!

The great thing about the job is that it is WORKING FROM HOME! I will STILL get to be here with Adilynn! The only thing I have to be away from the home is for reviews (which happen anywhere every 1 to 3 months), a monthly home check for the client, or any other occasional meeting that might pop up. Another great thing is that I am the one to set my schedule. I can do my home checks in the evenings or on the weekends so that Orrin can be here with Adilynn when I need to be gone. If I have a meeting during the day, I have a great mother in law who will gladly watch Adilynn for a couple of hours, and my sister will be available all summer. So- things will be pretty much the same for Adilynn, which is what matters the most to us. I can do my work in the evenings or during the day when she's napping. They have a huge office on Battlefield where I will have my own cubby and phone line and I can go there and work anytime I need to. But there are no rules on reporting to the office at any certain time.

Another perk is that I only have to log 30 hours a week! And again, I get to make my own schedule, so I can get it all done and overwith the first few days of the week, or I can space it out over the course of seven days.

I also get a membership to Cox fitness for $25 a year, a cell phone and a laptop. And my health benefits are covered almost 100%.

I know God provided this job for me again even though I turned them down the first time. He knew my hearts desire to keep things normal for Adilynn, but still bring in money for the family. Orrin and I would like to put our house on the market within the next year to year and a half, so this gives us plently of time to set money aside for that.

Life is good! :)

Project Sleep Day.....(I don't know what day)

I've been slacking on documenting my progress with helping Adilynn sleep better. I'm too tired (well, lazy really) to figure out what day I'm on. It's because I've been so physically and emotionally exhausted this week! Today for her nap she fussed/cried for 40 minutes and has been sleeping for 1 1/2 hours (she's still snoozing). However, now that we're getting naptime under control, nighttime seems to be getting a bit worse! Last night she went to bed at 7:15 (we are shooting for a bedtime of around 7:30 pm) and she woke up at 11:00. We let her cry for about 20 minutes and then I went in and nursed her. After I laid her down she cried for an additional 30 minutes and then Orrin went in. I guess she let out a huge burp when he picked her up, and after he laid her down she fussed for about 5 minutes then went right back to sleep. I felt horrible that she was laying there with a big gas bubble she just needed to get out. Way to go mom.

I'm reading "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby" (thanks to my sister-in-law's recommendation) and they make very valid points about nighttime waking in your little one. The one we are having trouble with is "If you let them cry for a predetermined amount of time each night (like 15 min, 30 min, etc) then they will learn to cry that amount of time till you come in and get them." And like the book says- the baby will ALWAYS outlast you if they know you'll come in and rescue them! I'm thinking that we are just going to have to just her cry it out at night and not go in there. Otherwise we're teaching her that if she cries we'll eventually come in.

Sooooooo.....what to do. I know we need to stop going in there at night. However, I'm always so worried that she's woken up hungry or cold. She's not a big eater when it comes to regular foods so I always lay there thinking she's half starved and that's why she's crying. So I continue the cycle and I go in and nurse her. HOWEVER- she doesn't have a strong suck like she's hungry (sorry for the details), it's more of a suck like a pacifier to comfort her to go back to sleep. So she can't be THAT hungry.

UGH. Poor baby girl. And poor mom and dad! It's horrible to lay there and listen to the crying, especially in the middle of the night.

Yesterday and today's naptime was MUCH BETTER though than it was on Monday. So I have to keep at it, keep with the consistency and I know it will get better. My ultimate goal is for her to sleep 7:30-ish to 7:30-ish and then take a long afternoon nap from 1-3, possibly 1-4.

A girl can dream, right?

Boy, do I have a long way to go....

What a sweet post from a husband to his wife. (thanks C. George!) :)

http://biohazard-blog.blogspot.com/2008/12/momzoo.html

I so have room for improvement.

RELIEF.

Oh my goodness....I could do a cartwheel. I just laid Adilynn down for her morning nap and she only cried for FIVE MINUTES before falling asleep on her own!!! This is such a drastic change from Monday when she cried (off and on, and with me checking on her of course!) for two hours!! I guess this whole cry-it-out method really does work!! I am so proud of her....this has been a long week for both of us. I think she is really feeling attachment issues with me weaning her! She wants me to hug her and hold her all day long, which I glady pass out as many hugs and kisses as she needs. And she has been following me everywhere in the house, and has not been playing as independently as she normally does! I didn't think it would be so hard on me emotionally either! It's difficult to give up something you've done with your child for the past 13 months....what a bond it has created between us. I will miss it, but that just means we get to find other ways to bond!

Here's a picture of those sweet little cheeks I can't wait to go in and smother with kisses after naptime!!!!